When was the last time you went to the movies?

2 movie tickets - $17.00
1 large popcorn - $5.50
2 large sodas - $9.00

Total Price = $31.50

Comparision of just how much entertainment you can buy for the price of a night at the movies:
• 6 movies from the discount bin at Wal-Mart
• 3 movies from the discount bin at Target
• 1 copy of the new Garth Brooks box set (includes 6 CDS with booklet and video)
• 4 games of bowling
• 2 months of unlimited membership at NetFlix
• 1/3rd of a Gameboy
• 5 video games from Blockbuster for 5 nights each
• 1 really cheap hooker
• 2 trilogies from Barnes & Noble (try Robin Hobb’s Farseer Trilogy and her Tawny Man Trilogy)

Do you see what I am getting at? Going to the movies no longer makes sense for most people, that is why attendance has fallen the last 3 years. Going to the movies is no longer worth the time, money or effort. Here are some familiar things that I have noticed at my local theater:

It hurts because . . .
• Movies that suck
• Raping me on the ticket prices
• Movies that suck
• Raping me on the food prices
• Movies that suck
• Film is out of focus
• Movies that suck
• Upper middle class white boys dressing like “ganstas” pretending to be tough. They might be able to pull it off if it weren’t for the fact that their mom’s pick them up after the movie in a minivan.
• Movies that suck
• Upper middle class white girls dressing like strippers in a Christina Aguilera video (ok, well, maybe it isn’t all bad)
• Oh, and in case I didn’t mention it already, MOVIES THAT SUCK

Here is a list of some of this year’s least memorable releases:
1. Duece Bigalow: Male Gigolo 2 (ok, Hollywood, are you listening? Rob Schneider can’t act. Please stop putting him in movies)
2. House of Wax (can we all agree now that Paris Hilton can’t act either?)
3. Doom/Alone in the Dark/any video game that makes its way to the big screen (stop, just stop you are wasting good money that could go towards feeding the homeless)
4. Into the blue (this isn’t a movie, this is footage of Jessica Alba’s . . . talents)
5. Elektra (you would think it would be hard to so seriously f$%# up a comic book movie wouldn’t you? I mean, it is already there. The characters, the dialogue, hell it comes pre-story-boarded! why then do you feel the need to make crap up? Why not use some of the 20 years worth of material that is lying around? Some of it might even be good)
6. Stealth (as a fun exercise take an engineer or programmer with you when you watch this and have him point out all of the raving impossibilities)
7. The Dukes of Hazard (for those 3 remaining people who don’t know let me go ahead and fill you in on this secret, Jessica Simpson has a great rack. Oh, and there is some talking or something in this movie too, but I am not sure because I wasn’t really paying attention)
8. The Aristocrats (imagine someone coming up to you and saying they had this great idea for a movie. They tell you that they will get comics to tell a joke. What type of jokes, you ask? No no, he says, just one joke. Over and over. For 3 hours. One joke you say? Who would be stupid enough to go see that? Quite a few people apparently)
9. Bewitched (it is like watching a bad zombie movie only it’s not people but old TV shows they raise from the dead. Sorry, put a bullet in this one’s head too)
10. XXX State of the Union (for those people with absolutely no desire for anything approaching reality)

And don’t think for a second that those were all of the movies that blew chunks, oh no. For every Batman Begins or Sin City there are 10 movies like The Pacifier or Chaos. When will the movie industry realize that it isn’t piracy but crappy movies that is hurting sales.